TOW all the flirting
by AEM77
Summary: Chandler is great at flirting...as long as there's no sex.


"Ugh. Would you two stop already?" Phoebe demands. It takes Monica a second to realize she's talking to her.

"Stop what?" She asks in confusion.

"The flirting! We get it. You're adorable. Now cut it out. It's grossing me out."

Monica just looks back at her friend thoroughly confused before Phoebe points accusingly at her and Chandler who sit cuddled up together on the thread worn sofa of Central Perk.

"We are not flirting!" Monica repositions herself slightly removing herself from Chandler's side to further drive home her point. Flirting with Chandler? Was Phoebe crazy?

"You so are." Phoebe snorts derisively before appealing to the rest of the gang, "Tell her you guys."

"Yep," Rachel agrees just as Ross supplies his own, "Mm-hmm," eyes never leaving the magazine in his hands.

"I like it," Joey smiles happily sitting opposite them on the couch, "I think it's cute."

"You are ridiculous," she tells Phoebe and then turning to her friends at large, "You are all being ridiculous. Tell them Chandler!"

"Tell them what?" Chandler asks hands raised in surrender.

"That we weren't flirting." Does she really have to spell this out for him?

"Why would I tell them that?"

"Because its true!" If she thought he'd been infuriating earlier stealing bites of her muffin and nudging her side on the couch, its nothing to how he's being now.

"But it's not true," he says with absolute composure. "I was flirting a little."

She just looks at him aghast so he continues smugly, "I happen to be an excellent flirt."

This pronouncement is of course met by a chorus of snickers.

"What? It's true." Chandler says defensively.

"You are a terrible flirt." Ross says after he finally composes himself from laughing at his friend's bravado.

"Dude. Have you met you?" Joey asks.

"What are you talking about? I'm great at flirting." Chandler asserts sitting up a bit on the couch now himself.

"Jessica Samson." Ross supplies.

"Vanessa Sheilds." Joey adds.

"The woman at the dry cleaners." Ross continues.

"Well yeah. I'm terrible at flirting when it could mean sex," Chandler clarifies. "Obviously. But when sex is out of the picture I'm awesome."

They all look at him somewhat doubtfully, so he begins a list of examples of his own.

"Claudia."

"Who's Claudia?" Monica asks suspiciously. She's never heard Chandler talk about a Claudia before.

"Barista at the coffee shop in my building at work."

"You have another coffee shop in addition to this one?" Rachel asks in disbelief. "How much coffee do you drink?"

Chandler ignores her to continue, "Tiffany."

Ross and Joey consider this offering for a moment before nodding. "You know. I think you're on to something here, buddy," Joey begins encouragingly before adding excitedly, "Ooh. Ooh. What about the girl at the taco place?"

"Wait a minute," Ross interrupts, "Alice? But she's totally hot. I thought he wasn't good with hot girls?"

"Married. To Steve. He's a good man if a little neglectful sometimes." Chandler answers and Monica can't help but smirk to herself a little at the image of her poor hapless friend trying to flirt with beautiful women only end up listening to them complain to him about other men.

"The cashier at the bodega!" Joey exclaims happily fully converted to Chandler's point of view.

"Jill Goodacre," Chandler continues getting excited himself.

"Jill Goodacre?" Ross huffs, "Supermodel Jill 'gum is perfection' Goodacre?"

"It was rocky there for a minute," Chandler concedes. "But she kissed my cheek!"

"Ooh. I love this story," Joey exclaims happily clapping his hands, "Tell it again!"

Chandler looks as if he's about to, so Monica is relieved when Phoebe interjects "Okay. If you're so good with flirting when there's no sex, then flirt with me," she waggles her eyebrows a little before adding, "lover."

"Okay. I will." Chandler says defiantly.

"Okay. Then do it!"

"Fine." Chandler takes a moment and then with a quick self-conscious glance at the rest of them, turns his body in his chair to address his friend. "Hey Phoebe," he begins voice weirdly low. Monica thinks she should probably laugh at it but finds it oddly fascinating instead. "I hear you play guitar. What's that like?"

"Ugh." Phoebe says in disgust shaking her head.

"Dude!" Ross adds looking just as disgusted.

"I take it back," Phoebe says still shaking her head to and fro as if to erase Chandler's voice from her memory. "Don't flirt with me. That was…upsetting."

"What?" Chandler says in offense. Then appealing to the rest of them, "That doesn't count. It's weird," he tries to explain. "It's Phoebe."

"Oh so I don't count but Monica does." Phoebe asks, clearly her turn to be offended.

"Well yeah. It's Monica," Chandler explains shamelessly throwing an arm around her shoulder and pulling her back to his side. "She's special," he grins down at her and she can't help but send him the same wide smile.

"Okay you're doing it again. The flirting. Seriously, just knock it off already."


End file.
